– Satyakam Ray

A frenemy is a person who combines the characteristics of a friend and an enemy. In today’s fast-paced lifestyle, examples of frenemies can be easily found in one’s family, social circle, and professional life. The term simply means that one person is quite friendly toward another despite having a fundamental dislike or hatred for that person.

Sigmund Freud, a celebrated psychologist, acknowledged this concept. According to Sigmund Freud,

“An intimate friend and a hated enemy have always been indispensable to my emotional life…not infrequently…friend and enemy have coincided in the same person”.

Let us look at some examples to understand the controversy.

• A classic example of a Frenemy is found in the Big Boss’s House. It’s a reality show about celebrities, in which contestants often quarrel to gain attention. Many claim it’s scripted and fake. The veracity of the claims can’t be verified, but the ‘frenemy’ aspect is palpable. In this show, one person claims to be the ultimate friend of a particular contestant, only to nominate that contestant for elimination the next moment. This is a slightly dramatized version of Frenemy.
• Often, friendly people in the workplace have some degree of animosity. This animosity arises when appraisal or promotion time occurs in the office, intensifying the rat race. The level of backbitching during these turbulent times is quite amusing for many neutral, laid-back workers. This type of Frenemy is quite evident among friend circles and relatives.
• Master craftsmen in any discipline often play rival roles in professional contexts. They harbor internal animosity toward their competitors and wish them ill. However, they respect each other professionally and act like friends. Many genuinely regard their counterparts and behave very well outside the competition arena.

Types of Frenemies:

• Active Frenemy—People believing in this type of Frenemy often take charge of creating problems for their so-called friends. Harming others through words and actions is their forte. They actively plot to betray and hurt the victim. In front of the victim, they behave like the sweetest guys who have ever lived on earth; in the back, they dig holes for them. This category includes relatives, social friends, and office colleagues.
• Passive Frenemy—These individuals often harbor negative thoughts toward others they envy or are jealous of. They are wishy-washy types and don’t take any action. Most of the time, they are ambivalent and unsure of their intentions. Still, some good remains within them, helping awaken their inner soul and urging them not to stray. Many competitive people belong to this category.

How to Identify and Handle Frenemies?

• If one person asks questions about your likes, dislikes, habits, and so on, they likely have a secret agenda. If the person is genuinely interested in you, then there’s no malice. But the chances of meeting these people nowadays are significantly less. As a precaution, answer their queries, maintain a safe distance, and exercise prudence before making a decision.
• If someone stalks you offline — such as in the office, cafeteria, or parking lot — or online or on social media, they belong to the active Frenemy group. Be cautious of them and report them to the relevant authorities.
• Some idiots try to belittle your worth in your friend circle by trash-talking. They are active Frenemies. It’s better to reply to them in their language.
• Some silent group members often creepily or shamelessly observe your every move. They are the most notorious, and dealing with invisible adversaries is challenging. The best way to address this problem is to remain vigilant and alert.
• Lastly, when any distant relative (or a close one) suddenly shows interest in you, your intentions are not always benevolent. He/she can be an active or passive Frenemy. On rare occasions, the interest offered is genuine, and you should respect that.

Real friendship or companionship is very rare these days. If you have genuine friends, cherish the opportunity to bond with them at any cost. Helping others when needed is an essential human trait—everyone should learn it. To grow as an individual, one needs to rise from the abyss of Frenemy and see a clearer picture of oneself.