The Witty Stride

  –Satyakam Ray

Brian Acton and Jan Koum co-founded WhatsApp in 2009. They had no idea that the messaging app would become a hit among 2.24 billion users worldwide by 2023.

A notable and intriguing Socio-psychological phenomenon worth mentioning, and a topic for further elaboration, is the “online-offline peek-a-boo” message exchange. This phenomenon has affected the social and mental well-being of millions of active users worldwide, including in India. The conversion of the grey to a blue tick provides a virtual sigh of relief. This often reassures the anxious message sender.

When someone plays the game by going offline, they come back online after a few moments. Then, they check the chats. They avoid direct one-on-one conversations. This behavior is known as WhatsApp Peek-a-boo.

Have you ever sent a message to someone and desperately waited for them to acknowledge and reply? Well, the level of anxiety & apprehension resonates with many youngsters & persons approaching their mid-30s. If the person you’re anticipating happens to come online by chance, the adrenaline rush you get is quite remarkable. Your situation is like that of the love-struck teenage girl who does. He loves me…he loves me, not the ritual of the early 2000s! The decision to read, acknowledge, and reply to the chat typically lies with the person being sought.

Your receiver reads your chat and starts typing instantly, prompting you to make a quick decision. Either you stay online, start a conversation, or go offline. The latter course of action is the trademark move of online peek-a-boo. You remain offline for a short time, like 2-3 minutes, and then check the message. It’s almost impossible to understand the psychology behind such eccentric behavior.

Digging further into the topic: Traditionally, peek-a-boo is played with an infant. To play, one player generally hides their face, then pops back into view of the other and says, “Peek-a-boo!” Developmental psychologists suggest that peek-a-boo demonstrates an infant’s inability to understand object permanence. This is an essential stage in infants’ cognitive development. Other researchers have called the game “Protoconversation,” a method for teaching an infant the timing and structure of social exchange.

WhatsApp is not old enough to influence the intricacies of our social behavior. We acquire these behaviors from childhood onward through parents, siblings, teachers, friends, and, most importantly, the surrounding environment. Instead, we bend the rules set by the digital platform to our comfort and perceived social etiquette. Many are naive and fail to behave responsibly in the end-to-end encryption model. The response should be a digital mirror reflection of our real-life conversation.

Online-offline Peek-a-boo types:

Peek-a-boo can be categorized into various types depending on social relationships, profession, and friendship affinity.

• Relationship Peek-a-boo: Many couples (married or live-in) engage in this behavior. Suppose one partner sends a message to the other half, anticipating a quick response. If the other partner sees the message and replies later, it can start significant strife. It may also lead to allegations of infidelity. The dreaded “it’s over” can be popped at any time. Defending a person’s innocence can be challenging.
• Friends’ peek-a-boo: You invite your friend to a movie or a nearby cafeteria. It could also be a restaurant or casual chit-chat at your place. You send this invitation through WhatsApp. He logs in, sees your message, and decides not to respond. You expect a definite response from him. You feel ignored. You secretly vow revenge by not replying to his forwarded memes, YouTube videos, and so on.
• Professional peek-a-boo: It’s 8 pm on Friday. You have already planned for the late-night movie and weekend party. Suddenly, you see a message from your manager on your phone screen. It is urgent work. The work must be completed by night’s end.  Automatically, the peek-a-boo effect comes into play, and you ignore it. Conversely, you try to impress your manager during the appraisal window. You periodically send insightful technical information. This showcases your technological progress and dedication. Your manager ignores it and instead gives you an average rating! Tit for tat!

The Psychology Behind It:

The reason behind such steps might be explained through various psychological terms.

• WhatsApp OCD– An urge to constantly check WhatsApp for message notifications can be a psychological addiction. Needlessly, many spend hours on messaging apps sending unnecessary messages to relatives or friends, often for their own sake. Such people usually indulge in this lurking behavior playfully. They do not even interact well with each other in person.
• Mechanism of denial– People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) symptoms often feel emptiness. They get bored quickly and have an unstable self-image. As a result, they are more prone to addiction to WhatsApp. Such people can show impulsive behaviors. They often bluntly refuse to acknowledge their weaknesses, even when they know them. Denial is the first step toward the aggravated peek-a-boo effect.
• FOMO effect– Fear of missing out (FOMO) is a form of social anxiety. It stems from the belief that others might be having fun while the person experiencing the stress is not. It is characterized by a want to stay continually connected with what others are doing. It’s also defined as a fear of regret. It may lead to the belief that not participating in social interaction is the wrong choice. The Peek-a-boo effect can be explained as the Mischievous FOMO effect.
• Social surveillance—Many people use WhatsApp to track other people’s whereabouts and intrude on their personal space. The peek-a-boo effect is a byproduct of such shameless online shenanigans. The ‘last-seen’ status can be a double-edged sword for anyone.

How do we curb it?

Three simple rules:

• Be realistic. Try to escape the online bubble. If you want to communicate something to someone, try calling them rather than texting or messaging. Direct conversation clears up much of the confusion that this peek-a-boo effect may create. If it is possible to meet someone in person, then go ahead. The personal touch can foster long-term bonding among friends, relatives, and budding romantic relationships.
• Take a break—start a hobby, like reading, blogging, gardening, or volunteering to help those in need. Stop spending so much time stalking online or chatting with a person. Be creative and do something constructive. Take time for solitude and meditation.
• Psychoeducation– If some people miss their peek-a-boo dopamine, it is better to consult a trained psychiatrist. They may help to curb this addiction and get back to normalcy.

Conclusion:

Acceptance of the problem is the first step toward the intended solution. WhatsApp is undoubtedly the most preferred communication medium of the 21st century. But, it can’t replace the one-to-one, offline, personal touch. You should show more humanity to deal with this bizarre, lurking phenomenon.

You only live once. You are making sure to spend 15 hours online, desperately seeking validation from strangers! But why? Be real.

After all, WhatsApp is just a social media app, and some grey-blue tick conversion fiasco can’t sway our social values.